Caladiel's Guide To Writing Believable MarySues
by Ellie In ElfPajamas
Summary: Trying to aid others in writing good Mary Sues, Caladiel hits upon an ingenious method, the fanfic!


Caladiel's Guide to Writing (Believable) Mary-Sues  
  
Written, Spell Checked, and Giggled About by Caladiel Meril Beriorgan.  
  
Disclaimer: Big surprise, I don't own LotR.  
  
This is intended to be a humorous, enjoyable guide to Mary-Sues, not a flame fest and not offensive. I want to help the fanfiction writers who write Mary-Sues to write better ones, although I am certainly no authority myself. I have written a Legomance, and I have written Mary-Sues, but I've been told they're strange because they seemed unSue-like. I personally don't know, but I accept some opinions that contradict my own.  
  
Chapter 1: Legomances, Pros and Cons, Dos and Don'ts  
  
First things first. If you're going to write a Mary-Sue, consider this: There is at present an overabundance of MSs in which the MS lands in Middle Earth by hook or by crook and then doggedly persues a certain Elf that I'm sure we all know. Tenth fellowship members also run rampant. If you want the canon police to leave you alone, have LEGOLAS marry, of all things, AN ELF.  
  
Elves are fascinating creatures, all that pointy-eared appeal really attracts interesting females of other races. However, Legolas probably would not fall in love with a Dwarf. We all know that. If you are going to have him marry a Dwarf, please archive it as humor, and I'd probably read it.. If you aren't going to have Legolas marry an Elf, but you're using a human, you still might be alright, but give him a darn good reason to like her and don't even try that 'more-beautiful-than-Luthien-and-Arwen-put- together' line, people hate it. Make her a plain Jane that he likes because she's kind and generous. Elves are really beautiful because their virtue shows in a physical form. Many beautiful people are terribly unpleasant, while many who are plain on the outside are gorgeous on the inside. Please don't make your Mary-Sues shallow. Also, even Elves are not perfect, so perfect Mary-Sues should certainly be archived as parodies. I don't know about you, but I've never met a perfect person, male or female. And those of you who think you're perfect should try walking on water when it isn't iced over.  
  
Of course, don't even put pencil to paper or fingers to keyboard before you give the books a thoughtful, serious reading. Legolas himself is a rather complex character, and thus deserves study, as should his interactions with his companions, Aragorn and Gimli. Your Mary-Sue should not really interfere too much with the books. Legolas should still get where he's going and accomplish what he sets out to accomplish. Such as fight that war, and if Mary-Sue comes along, there'd better be a reason. Perhaps she's a servant, or she cares for the wounded, a common occupation for women in Legolas' day and age. Or you could get really creative and she's a horse groom for Theoden. Something mundane, then she grows on readers. If she saves Legolas, make it in the course of duty. If she's helping with the wounded, there's your opportunity. If she's a groom, it's probably something comical, like killing an Orc with a pitchfork. If she's a servant, she has access to her master's weapons, though not nessecarilly the knowledge of how to use them. Unless she comes from Rohan, then she knows full well how to defend herself and her horse. Not many people like high and mighty, perfect, rich snobs, so avoid those.  
  
~~~~~Mary-Sue's Race and Appearance Go Hand in Hand:  
  
Your Mary-Sue obviously needs a race, and a national identity. This will determine much about her appearance. Elves have blue, purple-blue, gray-blue, blue-gray, light gray, or steel gray eyes, so there's a limit to what you can do there. I naturally associate eyes with gems, and have since I was little, so I don't mind if you do this, but if you do it for Mary Sue, do it for Legolas. Legolas has either tanzanite, blue topaz, or sapphire eyes. I personally prefer the tanzanite because then I can describe the effect of light on their coloring. The Rohirrim have blue, gray, hazel, green, or brown eyes. Gondorians have blue, brown, or green, usually. There should never be any unusual color qualities in these eyes unless the Mary-Sue is blind, in which case the eyecolor could be murky or watery to suggest this sad disability. Flecks of muted yellow or brown are not unusual in green eyes.  
  
So, if you've picked a race, let's continue. Elves have blond, dark brown, or black(raven) hair. The blond can vary from golden blond to platinum blond. The Rohirrim have dirty blond, red, red gold, golden blond, light brown, or brown hair. Gondorians usually have red, red brown, light brown, brown, or dark brown hair. So, when you chose an Elf you have to adhere to one set of rules, and when you pick a Gondorian you adhere to another.  
  
Let's reveiw before we go into Mary-Sue's past and character.  
  
ELVES:  
  
Eyes: blue, purple-blue, gray-blue, blue-gray, light gray, or steel gray  
  
Hair: blond, dark brown, or black(raven)  
  
ROHIRRIM:  
  
Eyes: blue, gray, hazel, green, or brown  
  
Hair: dirty blond, red, red gold, golden blond, light brown, or brown  
  
GONDORIANS:  
  
Eyes: blue, brown, or green  
  
Hair: red, red brown, light brown, brown, or dark brown  
  
How many people have you met with purple eyes? I haven't met any, and anybody who has, I should dearly like to know.  
  
If you wanna avoid being flamed for being ridiculous, and I'm sure you do, excuse the pun, but keep your Mary-Sues down to Middle Earth. This means you should avoid haircolors that would send Legolas into seizures, give Aragorn a heart attack, and cause Gimli to actually want to ride a horse. They hadn't invented streaks, so Mary Sue's hair shouldn't have any. Elf or human, she has to be within the realm of possibility. Luthien and Arwen are a breed apart, and NO ONE could ever be as beautiful as they were.  
  
If you covet Legolas yourself, you should put off posting your fic until you can look at it with a critic's eye. Otherwise, some material that makes no sense to the rest of us may be in there, inviting a flamefest. Not pleasant.  
  
~~~~~Mary Sue's Character:  
  
You gotta be consistent. If Mary Sue is short in your first chapter, unless she's a kid, she has to stay that way. Is she insecure/selfconfident, annoying/enjoyable, short/tall, fat/thin, quiet/talkative? Do your best to make her unique. Unique Mary-Sues are rare. A quiet, friendly Mary-Sue would be nice, but a talkative, insecure, slightly annoying Mary Sue would be more interesting. It's fun to base Mary- Sues on female friends, mine are all based on people I know. No matter what you base her on, try to choose a name for her that fits her personality. (Or translate your friend's name into Elvish on www.councilofelrond.com.)  
  
Trust me, that's important, because an inappropriate name makes reviewers think you're crazy. I for one am crazy, as anyone who reads my work knows all too well.  
  
The beautiful girl doesn't always get the great guy. Some guys are smarter than that, they look for someone genuine. For contrast, you could have an opposite Mary-Sue that Legolas chooses the heroine over. Such as a cross, drop-dead gorgeous, wealthy girl and a gentle, loving, plain, poor girl. Maybe Mary Sue loves Legolas because he's done something kind for her, and that doesn't happen often. Perhaps she's long admired him from afar, then when she finally met him realized that he's not only good looking, he's a good person. It should be a deep reason, not something sappy and shallow enough to wade through without dampening the cuff of your bluejeans. Love is not to be taken lightly.  
  
~~~~~Mary Sue's Past:  
  
There are an awful lot of tortured past Mary Sues out there! It's almost an epidemic. Come to think of it, there are a lot of tortured past Legolases out there too... They should get married, because they're both psycotic and paranoid. Of course, their children will need daily visits to a shrink...  
  
Do you see my point here?  
  
If you're writing a Mary Sue, don't read other Mary Sues for inspiration. You'll end up copying it too much. I speak from experience here. The best resource for designing a Mary Sue/Legolas romance, is actually to watch how an older married couple interacts with each other. This can be parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, whatever. They joke with each other, they're comfortable to be silent in the presence of each other and just enjoy the nearness. They don't go around loudly declaring their love, they'll just kiss and say 'I love you more than green Larry-Boy cheese burnt and stuck to the bottom of the pan' or something like that.  
  
Mary Sue's past doesn't have to be like a history book or a Gothic novel to be good. A Mary Sue raised on a farm with humble beginnings is just as interesting. Especially if she gets lost in a city and meets Legolas that way. Farm girls and cities are a wierd combination. The story is even better if she doesn't know who Legolas is and treats him like an equal. A Mary Sue with a strange past (she-Elf was adopted by humans or something) is cool too, just the tortured past ones are running rampant and we need a change.  
  
~~~~~Mary Sue's Pets:  
  
A whole menagerie is wierd. Having a horse and a dog or a cat isn't unusual, and the horse and dog would have been average for the time period. A flock of chickens makes sense for a farm girl. A wildcat and a sparrow do not. No man/elf eating beasts please. Maybe a Raven that she taught to talk, that sounds like a good way to waste time. (Maybe her cat can yowl 'save me' when she tries to bathe it.) A cow could be good too, unless it kicks Legolas half to death. Wait, that could be interesting. While useful, these animals can comically interupt a sappy scene, making readers laugh and want to read through the next sappy scene, which you can leave uninterupted because you baited them. A lot of people just scroll right past the sappy scenes.  
  
~~~~~Mary Sue's Talents:  
  
People tell me that when I write myself into a story, my character sounds like a Mary-Sue. This is because I put a lot of my actual talents (goofy and useful) in there. I can mimic a lot of sounds (including Gollum wailing 'Precious is lost') and accents, and people think that it's strange when a character has a lot of talents. It's not. I bet if you look around there are a lot of talent people waiting to be a character basis. If Mary Sue has a talent that is unusual, make sure it figures in the story. Talented women are not unnatural, so a talented Mary Sue is not outside the realm of possiblity.  
  
~~~~~Mary Sue's Environment:  
  
What type of place does Mary Sue hail from? A farm? A forest? Tree? Mountain? Dress her accordingly. Don't have anyone running around in the forest in the most impractical outfit you could find unless it's for comic relief. Mary Sue should at least have half a brain. Mary Sue's clothes should tell the Pointy-Eared Elvish Princeling something about where she came from. If she's lost, they can help him take her home.  
  
~~~~~Mary Sue's Romance:  
  
Don't take it too fast. People like when a plot takes time to develop. It makes them feel included. Be open to the reviewers' suggestions unless they interfere with the established plot.  
  
~~~~~Mary Sue's Rating:  
  
I don't endorse the writing of R rated material or erotic fics. This guideline is for clean kids and teens fiction, not R or NC-17 fics.  
  
~~~~~Happy Mary-Sue writing! Keep it clean and keep it interesting!  
  
~*~Caladiel Meril Beriorgan~*~ 


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